Trust Issues

Prov 3:5-6...⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

God and I...we've got unresolved and BIG trust issues, and they aren't just very recent episodes, either. I've had trust issues my whole life. But now that I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I see it bleeding over into my relationship with my Savior.

Trust.

Such a very, very hard word.

But you know, you just can't make trust simply appear by willing it to happen. Just by saying, "I trust you, Lord," does NOT make it so. I've lived that one out for almost 6 years now. But when it comes down to it, when the actual rubber hits the road, do I trust my God?

My personal experience with trust is that people earn my trust. But once you've lost my trust, you can't have it back. At least, not willingly on my part.

So, does God HAVE to earn my trust? Do I feel safe enough to trust my God? Is it safe to trust Jesus? Is it safe to trust?

When my life is going good, I know I trust Him. Like when I have a good day and things are going just right, God has ALL of my trust. When all of my boys are playing together NICE, then it's easy to trust God.

But when something BAD happens, has God lost my trust? Can He ever have it back again? Like when one of my son's is fighting for his life in the hospital, gasping for each and every breath he has to take? I know I'm desperately praying by his bedside, but am I really TRUSTING God in that moment?


Am I SUPPOSED to trust God through ALL the bad and ugly and horrendous stuff that happens in life?

Just yesterday, I received a text from my husband about a mother who had lost her 18 year old daughter. This daughter had a full ride scholarship to a university, had her whole life ahead of her. She was the designated driver, driving home her friends who had too much to drink that night. They were getting rowdy, she turned around to reprimand them, turned back to the road and lost control on the interstate and rolled her vehicle several times. She was the only one killed...all her friends escaped with little to no injury at all.

How does that girl's mother trust in God after that happens?

How can a mother like that be thankful in her grief?

How can a mother be ever thankful or trusting of a God who obviously knew that this was going to happen, and it STILL happened?

Huh, God, what about ALL that UGLY stuff that happens in life? Are you really there to guide us through all the heartache and pain and suffering that happens?

Let alone all the icky "STUFF" that happens in the daily grind of life...kids who yell at each other, spouses who don't listen, friends who get too busy for you, job duties that overload...stress and heartache and turmoil...it all adds up.

And then there's satan, gloating, very proud, when we question God's integrity. "Hey God, how could YOU allow this to happen?"

Is it possible, in all the "UGLY" here on earth, that God can create something beautiful out of it?

In the end, will that mother ever be able to trust God again?

Trust and thankfulness are supposed to be the keys with God. Trust is supposed to rid you of worrrying. Thankfulness is supposed to get rid of the complaining. But what about the deep, deep grieving?

God knows what it is like to deeply grieve.

He had to watch His Son be slaughtered by a group of thugs. He had to watch His Son agonize with every beating. He had to watch His Son's skin ripped open exposing His insides to the outside world, watch nails be driven through tendons and sinews and muscle, watch Him die a slow and excruciating death.

God knows grief.

Remember His Son was NOT forced to die. His Son willingly chose to die.

In that ugly process, something beautiful happened.

I can now cry out to God in MY pain and suffering and grief...all through the splattered blood of His Son. He saved me because He watched His Son die for me. He went through the all consuming grief of losing His Son because He loved me and wanted to save me.

God HAS earned my trust because He's felt the greatest grief . He, as a Father, watched the brutal beating of His Son and watched Him die. And Jesus was completely innocent. Just like that daughter was not drunk, but her life was taken and everybody else's lives in that vehicle were spared. She was attempting to prevent tragedy from happening in their lives and she WAS the recipient of tragedy. Does not seem fair, does it? That an innocent person's life is snuffed out so easily, while everybody else's is spared. Doesn't seem fair that a completely innocent man had to die for my ugly sins, huh? An innocent man died because of my DIRTY deeds!!!

God allowed the excruciating beating of His very own Son to take place so that I MAY be saved. Do you see that I emphasized the word "may"? Even though Jesus died for me to BE saved, there's no guarantee that I will choose to be saved. If I don't choose the gift of salvation, then Jesus died in vain. Jesus died with no guarantees that any of us would choose His free gift. He died in hope. He died in hope that I will gladly accept His gift. He didn't die with any guarantees at all. He didn't die with the guarantee that any of us would choose the gift of salvation through His shed blood.


God's grace is such a mystery and yet, it is so beautiful. Why does He do it for me? One of the most emotionally wrecked and unstable people out of all His creation. I don't know why, all I need to do is accept it and recieve it. Do I choose to do that?

So, in the end, God created the most beautiful and awesome gift in the whole wide world through watching His Son die...He created salvation out of His Grace. But it's up to us to choose to receive that beautiful gift. Do I open up my heart in EVERY moment and openly receive His free gift of Grace and salvation? Do I trust Him enough to open up my heart and soul to Him?

God knows what He's doing. I don't have the foggiest notion how everything ties in together. I might as well stop trying to figure it all out. Remember, "Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding."

My piddly little grievances are nothing compared to this mother's grief, but God has it ALL under control.

Yes...you greatly grieve when you lose something precious in your life, be it a child, a parent, a friend, a spouse...if you lose anything that you love, it causes a hole in your heart...and I do NOT understand everything, but TRUST in the one who does understand everything. He's got the big picture in mind.

Remember King Hezekiah? He was on his death bed and he earnestly prayed to God to spare his life. And God listened and gave him 15 more years. Unfortunately, Manesseh was born from Hezekiah's seed during this 15 extra years and Manesseh lead God's people to do more evil deeds than all the heathen nations surrounding them. If Hezekiah had not been spared, then these tragic events possibly could have been avoided.

I'm not saying that this story has anything to do with anybody else's death. I'm just saying that I don't understand and God DOES understand...He knows the ending. Let Him guide you.

Allow Him to create something beautiful from your heartache and pain and sorrow.

Thank Him through it ALL. Trust Him through it ALL.

Can you thank Him? Can you trust Him? Even through the tough stuff? Can you do that?

Can I do that?

This is the trust that is NOT in my heart...the trust to believe that even if the most terrible disaster should strike me or my family, that He will be right there in the middle of the chaos WITH us, to carry us through. This is the trust that is NOT in my heart...the trust to believe that EVERYTHING He does or allows is for my best interest. If it's for my best, then why, oh why, does it hurt so much? I do NOT feel it is safe to trust. How do I find that safe place? How do I find that safety? How do I trust God?

I've GOT to get THIS thing, I've got to get this TRUST thing for God in my heart, this bottom of the stomach belief and knowing that my God has everything under control, even through the bad stuff, that my God is good to me throughout it all. Because if I don't get this TRUST thing deeply driven into my heart, then my soul is cracking open and spewing rotten stuff all over everybody else around me.

I've got to believe with my heart, mind and soul that even despite God's HUGENESS, the fact that He created this HUMONGOUS universe, He is STILL actively involved in my peasly and miniscule problems and He DOES have my best interest at heart. Despite the ENORMITY of my God, He is still up close and personal with my problems and my heartaches and my heart. My God does listen to my pleas and questions and heartaches. He ALWAYS answers. Albeit, I may not see it immediately nor in the way that I wanted it answered, but He ALWAYS answers out of LOVE. His answer is ALWAYS safe because it is based on HIS unconditional Love for me.

How can I trust when my heart has shriveled through years of low self-esteem and it's struggling to push joy through the hardened and clogged arteries of my life?

Trust does not come by simply stating it. Trust comes by work.

Intentional loving and trusting and thanking.

Focusing on giving thanks everyday for everything.

Focusing on trusting God for EVERYTHING in everyday.

Focusing on loving God.

If I deeply trusted God, with EVERY aspect of my life, (not just the good moments, but the ugly moments, also), I think my issues would be healed...my self-condemnation, my addictions, my heart wounds, my soul holes, my neediness, my loneliness.

Rom 15:13...I pray that the God who gives hope will fill you with much joy and peace while you trust in him. Then your hope will overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit.

John 14:1...Jesus said, "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust in me.

John 6:29...Jesus replied, This is the work (service) that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent [that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His Messenger].

Mark 16:16...He who believes [who adheres to and trusts in and relies on the Gospel and Him Whom it sets forth] and is baptized will be saved [from the penalty of eternal death]; but he who does not believe [who does not adhere to and trust in and rely on the Gospel and Him Whom it sets forth] will be condemned.

Psalm 40:4...Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his refuge and trust, and turns not to the proud or to followers of false gods.

The word trust and it's various forms are used 191 times in the King James Version of the Bible.

Trust is a big deal. It's a form of believing. It's a form of faith.

It's a form of loving my God.

If I don't trust God, then I'm an atheist. It's as simple as that. If I don't trust God with my whole life, then I don't believe He's a good God and that He has everything under control. If I don't trust God, then I'm the biggest fake I've ever come across.

You know I've come head to head against some very tough issues within the past 3 weeks. Either I'm a real Christian and I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ...or I'm a fake, just doing God lip service. It's my choice to make.

And you know what, after doing some really deep soul searching, I've decided that God IS worth my effort and time and love and trust. I choose Jesus. I'm gonna place my trust in His hands and give Him the wheel of my life. I'm turning over my activities and my whole life to Him...He's in control now. It IS safe to trust Jesus.

I'm not saying that this is going to be easy. It's gonna take work on my part. I've got to focus on thanking, loving and trusting God in each and EVERY moment of my life. It's not gonna happen overnight either, but I will at least be trying to trust Him. I think the Holy Spirit will be there to help me through this, also. So, I'm not doing it alone.

To be honest, this is scary. I feel like I've lost complete control of my life, and in that process, I feel like I'm losing some vital part of me...maybe it's power in my own life. But I think that's a guise that is used by satan...he plays the trick of making you think that if you have control of your life, then you are ok. But in my living of my own life, I've realized that it's when I thought I was the most in control of my life that I was the most out of control.

I have to believe and trust that with my life in His Hands, that He guides and directs and controls my life with an all-seeing and all-knowing Love...that He's safe.

I need to keep my chin up because I have a GREAT BIG GOD that loves me!

God's love has to be enough for me. How about you? Do you choose to trust Him, completely and wholly and with your whole life?

Can I open up my hands and my heart and my life and choose to accept WHATEVER God gives me? If I don't, I'm still making a choice. It would be my choice NOT to trust God, not to accept Him. And in that choice, I choose to shun God's Grace and Salvation and Jesus would have suffered for naught.

I choose the safety of trusting Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit.

What's your choice?

Dear Father,
I ask of the Holy Spirit to guide me and give me direction in completely trusting You. Please know that I'm scared in turning my life over to you, this is foreign to me. But, I need to trust You. Thank You, God!
In Jesus' name,
Amen