Sour Expectations

Psalm 62:5...My soul, wait silently for God alone. For my expectation is FROM HIM.

Expectations in relationships is like poison. It can kill a relationship very rapidly.

The demanding of my own expectations is the driving force that smothers ALL joy out of my relationships.

Expectations can be the explosion of marriages. My husband can come home expecting the house to be spotless. What if it’s not? I can expect my husband to treat me as a wife rather than an employee. What if it’s hard for him to separate the two environments?

Expectations can cause hurt and pain in parenting. My oldest son expects me to understand his teenage angst. What if I don’t? I expect my oldest son to communicate with me rather than mutter under his breath or explode and slam his bedroom door closed. What if he doesn’t know how to communicate nor understand those deep emotions?

Expectations can cause friendships to drift. My friend, who moved halfway across the country, expects me to release her to spread her wings. What if that’s extremely difficult for me to do? I expect the same amount of communication between us. What if that’s not possible?

Expectations can cause dissention in the church. I expected my church family to try to shepherd us back when we left under explosive circumstances. What if that didn’t happen? Our church family expected us back without them stepping in. What if we didn’t return?

I immediately feel like I’ve failed or the people in my life have failed me when my expectations are not met. More often than not, I place the blame on myself and ask myself, “What did I do wrong? Why do they not love me since they didn’t act in the way that I expected them to act?”

Expectations are all soaked in and dripping the poison of the enemy. They reek of satan’s fiery darts.

Expectation (as defined by Webster’s dictionary): to consider reasonable, due, or necessary. Also, expectation is defined: to consider bound in duty or obligated.

When you expect something of somebody, then you are holding them bound in duty or obligated to the relationship. You are greatly restricting them to obey your boundaries and guidelines. You expect something is due to you from the relationship. You feel like you should get something in return.

When you expect somebody to act a certain way or to say a certain thing, then you are setting up standards or limitations for that relationship. “If you don’t do this, then you don’t love me.” OR “If you don’t say what I expect you to say, then you don’t love me.”

You greatly limit a relationship when you set up your expectations for them to follow.

My own personal experience with expectations is that absolutely nobody meets my expectations. I'm immediately set up for feeling failure when that happens. But, I want you to know, expectations are a trap. They stink and reek of the devil.

Expectations = a looming sense of failure.

I immediately set somebody up for failure when I place my expectations on them. Because in some shape, way or form, they will not meet ALL of my expectations. Then, in my eyes, they have failed me or I’ve done something to make them fail me. I have not received my expected idea of how I should be loved by them.

Can I love without expectations? It’s hard, because all along I’ve been told in fairytales how a marriage is supposed to work. I’ve been told by the world how a child should act with his parents. I’ve dreamed of having a bestest friend all my life. I’ve felt the safety of working in a loving church family.

The bottom line is that I should not set up people with my expectations. If I don’t have any preconceived notions on how somebody should act, then they will not fail me. Without failure looming over, a person can grow and blossom into who God wants them to be, either as my spouse, my child, my friend, my church family, or whomever I come into contact with in my daily walk.

Why can no one meet our expectations?

Because we are not perfect. We have sin stamped all across our foreheads. I imagine myself embedded with the stamp, “Blatant Failure. Please return to sender,” or “Imperfect with Flaws.”

There is absolutely no way I can meet somebody else’s expectations and there is absolutely no way that anybody else can meet my expectations because we ALL make mistakes. So, why do that to ourselves? WHY set ourselves up for failure? Because that’s exactly what satan wants us to do. He loves to see when we fail each other’s expectations. He’s in there, coersing us to set up these relationship expectations with each other. Because once we expect something from somebody, our heart is now open to hurt when it’s not met. We are exposed to anger, bitterness, resentment...you name all those bad emotions and we are vulnerable to them when our expectations are not met.

There is only One who can meet ALL my expectations.

There is only One who is perfect.

There is only One who will NOT fail me.

There is only One who unconditionally loves me through ALL this.

That One is Jesus Christ.

My expectation is that He loves me through everything.
He does.

My expectation is that He guides me through everything.
He does.

My expectation is that He is always there to listen to my hurt and turmoil and heartache and pains.
He does.

My expectation is that He is there to help me pick up the broken pieces of my heart when it's shattered.
He does.
My expectation is that He comforts me.
He does.

My expectation is that He will never leave me nor forsake me.
He is always there.

ALL these expectations...and He meets EVERY one of them.
Jesus will NEVER fail ANY of my expectations.

I have to let go. Let go of my imposed expectations. Let go of my idea of what to expect. Let go of trying to control. Let God control. Let go of imposing my will. Simply let go.

I have to find humility in my expectations. But humility is very elusive. Once you think you’ve discovered it and start talking about your humility, it’s gone.

I have to die to my expectations and plans. In so doing, God will embrace me with His Joy.

When I live with such imposing expectations, I take out the element of surprise in my life. I take out the joy in my life. I take out the peace in my life. I take out the God in my life. I take out the Christ in my heart. I take out my Christianity.

How can we use the right balance of expectations in our relationships? How can we find that right balance in our lives? Just by expecting God to work.

What if I just expected my husband to love me in his own, unique way without expecting it to be done in a certain way? Expect God to work.

What if I just expected my son to go through this tumultuous time in his teenage life and I stay by his side and help him work it all out? Expect God to work.

What if I just expected my friend to spread her wings and keep loving me through the process? Expect God to work.

What if I just expected my church family to keep on loving me despite the fact that we may never return? And not to expect them to come running after us? Expect God to work.

Can I live with those types of expectations...expecting God to work?

When I drop those expectations, I am NOT lowering my standards, as I'm certain a lot of people would argue. What I’m doing is allowing that person the freedom to be who God created them to be in our relationship. I am allowing that person the room to grow into a person of success in our relationship. I am allowing that person the freedom to love me in their own way without me limiting or restricting them in any way. I am allowing God to work.

Without my restricting expectations, my marriage can grow.

Without my restricting expectations, my teenager can grow into a responsible young man who seeks after a personal relationship with Jesus.

Without my restricting expectations, my friend can soar.

Without my restricting expectations, my church can heal and grow.

Without my expectations on my own life and actions and words, I won’t have a constant sense of failure if I don’t meet those expectations. I give God the freedom to work in my life.

The only expectations I should have on my own life or on any other person is that we are allowed the room to grow into the people that God created us to be. 

Expect God to work. For my expectation is FROM HIM.

That’s it.

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for simply Who You are! Thank You for loving me through all my trials and errors! Thank you for simply remaining in my life for me to learn through this journey! I expect you to love me! And you unconditionally do so!
In Jesus’ name,
Amen