Romans 8:6-8...”The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind CONTROLLED by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those CONTROLLED by the sinful nature cannot please God.”
Okay, I will be the first one to stand up and say, “I admit it. I’m a control freak.”
But the thing about my world is that there is only a limited amount of things that I can control. All the things out of my reach, I’m ok with not controlling. But everything within my small realm of what I call MY world, I’ve got a thumb on...or at least I thought I used to.
I used to be able to control my children. Now one of them has turned into a teenager and that control has gone out the window.
I used to be able to control the cleanliness of my house. Now I have children...all boys at that. I always walk in the bathroom with towels all over the floor, a dirt grimed sink, dirty toys brought in from outside in the mud to be cleaned in the bathtub, toothpaste all over the sink. My bathrooms are no longer under control.
I used to be able to control my anger and patience. Now there are days when I feel more like a referee rather than a Mom and my patience wears thin, turning into anger.
I WANT to be in control of my immediate surroundings. When I feel like I’m in control, then everything can proceed as planned. When I’m not controlling, I feel so chaotic.
But you know what? It’s when I think I’m in most control of my life that I’m most out of control.
There are specific instances in my past that I can point where I was most out of control, but if you had asked me then, I would have responded, “I’m doing good. I’m in control.”
It’s that alcoholic who thinks she can control it after having a few drinks.
It’s that drug addict who thinks he can control his highs.
It’s that bulemic who thinks she has it under control and no one knows about her habitual purging.
It’s that depressed person thinking they have control of when they are going to die by committing suicide.
It’s that Mom who thinks she can control her temper after being pushed way over the edge.
It’s that wife who thinks she can control her emotions.
When we try to control ourselves, we can NOT do it. I do not have the power to control my own life, let alone all the emotions that go along with my life.
Let me tell you...controlling your own life is a trap. It’s a ploy of the enemy.
Because when you think you are sitting behind the wheel of your own life, driving your own steering wheel, then you’ve pushed God out of your life.
If you are controlling your own life, then you have pushed God out of the way. And that’s exactly what the enemy wants.
satan wants you, sinful you, behind the wheel, endangering yourself and everybody in your path.
Because let’s face it, I am drunk in sin and you get me behind the wheel, and I become a mighty dangerous weapon.
The mind controlled by sin is death, not only for myself but for those around me as well. I’m a BAD influence when I’M in control.
For you see, I’m controlled by sin. I was born in sin, I live in sin, I smell of sin, I reek of sin, I stink of sin, I am sin manifest. Mighty dangerous to have ME at the controls of my life.
When I’m in control, I only lead myself and the people that I love to death.
What if I relinquished control of my life? How would that feel? SCARY, to be honest. Frightening....out of control is what I would feel.
Who can I trust with the controls of my life? ABSOLUTELY NOBODY I know. There is NO ONE in this world that I can trust with my life. There is absolutely nobody who can handle my raw emotions, my messiness inside. There is absolutely nobody who will stick it out with me in the wallowing mud. There is NOONE who can handle me with love all the way to the end.
So who do I turn my control over to?
The one who can see the road all the way to the end.
The one who knows every bend and curve in the road.
The one who knows where the sharp dropoffs are on the sides.
The one who knows every pothole in the road.
The one who actually engineered the road.
The one who created the road.
The owner of the map of my life............
God.
He guides and directs and controls with an unconditional love.
He controls with care.
He controls knowing the end of the story.
He guides knowing where we are going.
He leads knowing our final destination.
He directs out of simple love for me.
He controls gently out of love and knowledge and goodness and kindness and concern.
Can I do that?
Can I relinquish control to something that I can’t see, can’t touch? It seems so uncertain, risky...to be honest, it seems so OUT OF CONTROL.
Can He really control my runaway emotions?
Of course, He created the whole universe. It’s easy for Him.
Can He really control my life?
Of course, He created the earth. It’s easy for Him.
Can He really control my destiny?
Of course, He created the waves of the oceans. It’s easy for Him.
Can He really control with my safety at the forefront of His actions?
Of course, He created me. It’s easy for Him.
What seems so hard and difficult and filled with stress and turmoil is SO EASY for Him.
If He created the whole universe and the earth by just speaking words, I think He can control my path in life without a hitch. He’s got control under control.
It’s so hard to do when I’ve been taught all my life to be independent.
As a toddler, being taught to use the fork and spoon on my own.
As a teenager, to have my emotions under control.
As a young adult, to live on my own and have my finances under control.
As a parent, to have my nerves under control.
I’ve been taught all throughout my life to do it MYSELF. So, how can I turn my chaotic, mixed up, upside down, downside up life over?
How can I turn the steering wheel over to God?
Will you join me in prayer that I’m able to let go of my life and turn it over in His Hands?
I’m doing a lousy job behind the steering wheel. It’s time to change drivers. Time for me to sit in the passenger seat and simply enjoy being in His presence and enjoy the scenery passing by.
He’s got it ALL under control.
Dear Heavenly Father,
I’m tired of being the wreckless driver of my life. Not only am I endangering my life, but those in my path also. Please take the wheel from me. I’m relinquishing control of my life to you. I want the joy and peace and life that You offer from Your control. Please be gentle with me as I’m fragile and unsteady and emotional and easily broken.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
Matthew 6:33... But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Sour Expectations
Psalm 62:5...My soul, wait silently for God alone. For my expectation is FROM HIM.
Expectations in relationships is like poison. It can kill a relationship very rapidly.
The demanding of my own expectations is the driving force that smothers ALL joy out of my relationships.
Expectations can be the explosion of marriages. My husband can come home expecting the house to be spotless. What if it’s not? I can expect my husband to treat me as a wife rather than an employee. What if it’s hard for him to separate the two environments?
Expectations can cause hurt and pain in parenting. My oldest son expects me to understand his teenage angst. What if I don’t? I expect my oldest son to communicate with me rather than mutter under his breath or explode and slam his bedroom door closed. What if he doesn’t know how to communicate nor understand those deep emotions?
Expectations can cause friendships to drift. My friend, who moved halfway across the country, expects me to release her to spread her wings. What if that’s extremely difficult for me to do? I expect the same amount of communication between us. What if that’s not possible?
Expectations can cause dissention in the church. I expected my church family to try to shepherd us back when we left under explosive circumstances. What if that didn’t happen? Our church family expected us back without them stepping in. What if we didn’t return?
I immediately feel like I’ve failed or the people in my life have failed me when my expectations are not met. More often than not, I place the blame on myself and ask myself, “What did I do wrong? Why do they not love me since they didn’t act in the way that I expected them to act?”
Expectations are all soaked in and dripping the poison of the enemy. They reek of satan’s fiery darts.
Expectation (as defined by Webster’s dictionary): to consider reasonable, due, or necessary. Also, expectation is defined: to consider bound in duty or obligated.
When you expect something of somebody, then you are holding them bound in duty or obligated to the relationship. You are greatly restricting them to obey your boundaries and guidelines. You expect something is due to you from the relationship. You feel like you should get something in return.
When you expect somebody to act a certain way or to say a certain thing, then you are setting up standards or limitations for that relationship. “If you don’t do this, then you don’t love me.” OR “If you don’t say what I expect you to say, then you don’t love me.”
You greatly limit a relationship when you set up your expectations for them to follow.
My own personal experience with expectations is that absolutely nobody meets my expectations. I'm immediately set up for feeling failure when that happens. But, I want you to know, expectations are a trap. They stink and reek of the devil.
Expectations = a looming sense of failure.
I immediately set somebody up for failure when I place my expectations on them. Because in some shape, way or form, they will not meet ALL of my expectations. Then, in my eyes, they have failed me or I’ve done something to make them fail me. I have not received my expected idea of how I should be loved by them.
Can I love without expectations? It’s hard, because all along I’ve been told in fairytales how a marriage is supposed to work. I’ve been told by the world how a child should act with his parents. I’ve dreamed of having a bestest friend all my life. I’ve felt the safety of working in a loving church family.
The bottom line is that I should not set up people with my expectations. If I don’t have any preconceived notions on how somebody should act, then they will not fail me. Without failure looming over, a person can grow and blossom into who God wants them to be, either as my spouse, my child, my friend, my church family, or whomever I come into contact with in my daily walk.
Why can no one meet our expectations?
Because we are not perfect. We have sin stamped all across our foreheads. I imagine myself embedded with the stamp, “Blatant Failure. Please return to sender,” or “Imperfect with Flaws.”
There is absolutely no way I can meet somebody else’s expectations and there is absolutely no way that anybody else can meet my expectations because we ALL make mistakes. So, why do that to ourselves? WHY set ourselves up for failure? Because that’s exactly what satan wants us to do. He loves to see when we fail each other’s expectations. He’s in there, coersing us to set up these relationship expectations with each other. Because once we expect something from somebody, our heart is now open to hurt when it’s not met. We are exposed to anger, bitterness, resentment...you name all those bad emotions and we are vulnerable to them when our expectations are not met.
There is only One who can meet ALL my expectations.
There is only One who is perfect.
There is only One who will NOT fail me.
There is only One who unconditionally loves me through ALL this.
That One is Jesus Christ.
My expectation is that He loves me through everything.
He does.
My expectation is that He guides me through everything.
He does.
My expectation is that He is always there to listen to my hurt and turmoil and heartache and pains.
He does.
My expectation is that He is there to help me pick up the broken pieces of my heart when it's shattered.
He does.
My expectation is that He comforts me.
He does.
My expectation is that He will never leave me nor forsake me.
He is always there.
ALL these expectations...and He meets EVERY one of them.
Jesus will NEVER fail ANY of my expectations.
I have to let go. Let go of my imposed expectations. Let go of my idea of what to expect. Let go of trying to control. Let God control. Let go of imposing my will. Simply let go.
I have to find humility in my expectations. But humility is very elusive. Once you think you’ve discovered it and start talking about your humility, it’s gone.
I have to die to my expectations and plans. In so doing, God will embrace me with His Joy.
When I live with such imposing expectations, I take out the element of surprise in my life. I take out the joy in my life. I take out the peace in my life. I take out the God in my life. I take out the Christ in my heart. I take out my Christianity.
How can we use the right balance of expectations in our relationships? How can we find that right balance in our lives? Just by expecting God to work.
What if I just expected my husband to love me in his own, unique way without expecting it to be done in a certain way? Expect God to work.
What if I just expected my son to go through this tumultuous time in his teenage life and I stay by his side and help him work it all out? Expect God to work.
What if I just expected my friend to spread her wings and keep loving me through the process? Expect God to work.
What if I just expected my church family to keep on loving me despite the fact that we may never return? And not to expect them to come running after us? Expect God to work.
Can I live with those types of expectations...expecting God to work?
When I drop those expectations, I am NOT lowering my standards, as I'm certain a lot of people would argue. What I’m doing is allowing that person the freedom to be who God created them to be in our relationship. I am allowing that person the room to grow into a person of success in our relationship. I am allowing that person the freedom to love me in their own way without me limiting or restricting them in any way. I am allowing God to work.
Without my restricting expectations, my marriage can grow.
Without my restricting expectations, my teenager can grow into a responsible young man who seeks after a personal relationship with Jesus.
Without my restricting expectations, my friend can soar.
Without my restricting expectations, my church can heal and grow.
Without my expectations on my own life and actions and words, I won’t have a constant sense of failure if I don’t meet those expectations. I give God the freedom to work in my life.
The only expectations I should have on my own life or on any other person is that we are allowed the room to grow into the people that God created us to be.
Expect God to work. For my expectation is FROM HIM.
That’s it.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for simply Who You are! Thank You for loving me through all my trials and errors! Thank you for simply remaining in my life for me to learn through this journey! I expect you to love me! And you unconditionally do so!
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
Expectations in relationships is like poison. It can kill a relationship very rapidly.
The demanding of my own expectations is the driving force that smothers ALL joy out of my relationships.
Expectations can be the explosion of marriages. My husband can come home expecting the house to be spotless. What if it’s not? I can expect my husband to treat me as a wife rather than an employee. What if it’s hard for him to separate the two environments?
Expectations can cause hurt and pain in parenting. My oldest son expects me to understand his teenage angst. What if I don’t? I expect my oldest son to communicate with me rather than mutter under his breath or explode and slam his bedroom door closed. What if he doesn’t know how to communicate nor understand those deep emotions?
Expectations can cause friendships to drift. My friend, who moved halfway across the country, expects me to release her to spread her wings. What if that’s extremely difficult for me to do? I expect the same amount of communication between us. What if that’s not possible?
Expectations can cause dissention in the church. I expected my church family to try to shepherd us back when we left under explosive circumstances. What if that didn’t happen? Our church family expected us back without them stepping in. What if we didn’t return?
I immediately feel like I’ve failed or the people in my life have failed me when my expectations are not met. More often than not, I place the blame on myself and ask myself, “What did I do wrong? Why do they not love me since they didn’t act in the way that I expected them to act?”
Expectations are all soaked in and dripping the poison of the enemy. They reek of satan’s fiery darts.
Expectation (as defined by Webster’s dictionary): to consider reasonable, due, or necessary. Also, expectation is defined: to consider bound in duty or obligated.
When you expect something of somebody, then you are holding them bound in duty or obligated to the relationship. You are greatly restricting them to obey your boundaries and guidelines. You expect something is due to you from the relationship. You feel like you should get something in return.
When you expect somebody to act a certain way or to say a certain thing, then you are setting up standards or limitations for that relationship. “If you don’t do this, then you don’t love me.” OR “If you don’t say what I expect you to say, then you don’t love me.”
You greatly limit a relationship when you set up your expectations for them to follow.
My own personal experience with expectations is that absolutely nobody meets my expectations. I'm immediately set up for feeling failure when that happens. But, I want you to know, expectations are a trap. They stink and reek of the devil.
Expectations = a looming sense of failure.
I immediately set somebody up for failure when I place my expectations on them. Because in some shape, way or form, they will not meet ALL of my expectations. Then, in my eyes, they have failed me or I’ve done something to make them fail me. I have not received my expected idea of how I should be loved by them.
Can I love without expectations? It’s hard, because all along I’ve been told in fairytales how a marriage is supposed to work. I’ve been told by the world how a child should act with his parents. I’ve dreamed of having a bestest friend all my life. I’ve felt the safety of working in a loving church family.
The bottom line is that I should not set up people with my expectations. If I don’t have any preconceived notions on how somebody should act, then they will not fail me. Without failure looming over, a person can grow and blossom into who God wants them to be, either as my spouse, my child, my friend, my church family, or whomever I come into contact with in my daily walk.
Why can no one meet our expectations?
Because we are not perfect. We have sin stamped all across our foreheads. I imagine myself embedded with the stamp, “Blatant Failure. Please return to sender,” or “Imperfect with Flaws.”
There is absolutely no way I can meet somebody else’s expectations and there is absolutely no way that anybody else can meet my expectations because we ALL make mistakes. So, why do that to ourselves? WHY set ourselves up for failure? Because that’s exactly what satan wants us to do. He loves to see when we fail each other’s expectations. He’s in there, coersing us to set up these relationship expectations with each other. Because once we expect something from somebody, our heart is now open to hurt when it’s not met. We are exposed to anger, bitterness, resentment...you name all those bad emotions and we are vulnerable to them when our expectations are not met.
There is only One who can meet ALL my expectations.
There is only One who is perfect.
There is only One who will NOT fail me.
There is only One who unconditionally loves me through ALL this.
That One is Jesus Christ.
My expectation is that He loves me through everything.
He does.
My expectation is that He guides me through everything.
He does.
My expectation is that He is always there to listen to my hurt and turmoil and heartache and pains.
He does.
My expectation is that He is there to help me pick up the broken pieces of my heart when it's shattered.
He does.
My expectation is that He comforts me.
He does.
My expectation is that He will never leave me nor forsake me.
He is always there.
ALL these expectations...and He meets EVERY one of them.
Jesus will NEVER fail ANY of my expectations.
I have to let go. Let go of my imposed expectations. Let go of my idea of what to expect. Let go of trying to control. Let God control. Let go of imposing my will. Simply let go.
I have to find humility in my expectations. But humility is very elusive. Once you think you’ve discovered it and start talking about your humility, it’s gone.
I have to die to my expectations and plans. In so doing, God will embrace me with His Joy.
When I live with such imposing expectations, I take out the element of surprise in my life. I take out the joy in my life. I take out the peace in my life. I take out the God in my life. I take out the Christ in my heart. I take out my Christianity.
How can we use the right balance of expectations in our relationships? How can we find that right balance in our lives? Just by expecting God to work.
What if I just expected my husband to love me in his own, unique way without expecting it to be done in a certain way? Expect God to work.
What if I just expected my son to go through this tumultuous time in his teenage life and I stay by his side and help him work it all out? Expect God to work.
What if I just expected my friend to spread her wings and keep loving me through the process? Expect God to work.
What if I just expected my church family to keep on loving me despite the fact that we may never return? And not to expect them to come running after us? Expect God to work.
Can I live with those types of expectations...expecting God to work?
When I drop those expectations, I am NOT lowering my standards, as I'm certain a lot of people would argue. What I’m doing is allowing that person the freedom to be who God created them to be in our relationship. I am allowing that person the room to grow into a person of success in our relationship. I am allowing that person the freedom to love me in their own way without me limiting or restricting them in any way. I am allowing God to work.
Without my restricting expectations, my marriage can grow.
Without my restricting expectations, my teenager can grow into a responsible young man who seeks after a personal relationship with Jesus.
Without my restricting expectations, my friend can soar.
Without my restricting expectations, my church can heal and grow.
Without my expectations on my own life and actions and words, I won’t have a constant sense of failure if I don’t meet those expectations. I give God the freedom to work in my life.
The only expectations I should have on my own life or on any other person is that we are allowed the room to grow into the people that God created us to be.
Expect God to work. For my expectation is FROM HIM.
That’s it.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for simply Who You are! Thank You for loving me through all my trials and errors! Thank you for simply remaining in my life for me to learn through this journey! I expect you to love me! And you unconditionally do so!
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
Saturday, February 25, 2012
First Newsletter Released
Ok, here's the first newsletter handed out last night at our first meeting.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Trust Issues
Prov 3:5-6...5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
God and I...we've got unresolved and BIG trust issues, and they aren't just very recent episodes, either. I've had trust issues my whole life. But now that I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I see it bleeding over into my relationship with my Savior.
Trust.
Such a very, very hard word.
But you know, you just can't make trust simply appear by willing it to happen. Just by saying, "I trust you, Lord," does NOT make it so. I've lived that one out for almost 6 years now. But when it comes down to it, when the actual rubber hits the road, do I trust my God?
My personal experience with trust is that people earn my trust. But once you've lost my trust, you can't have it back. At least, not willingly on my part.
So, does God HAVE to earn my trust? Do I feel safe enough to trust my God? Is it safe to trust Jesus? Is it safe to trust?
When my life is going good, I know I trust Him. Like when I have a good day and things are going just right, God has ALL of my trust. When all of my boys are playing together NICE, then it's easy to trust God.
But when something BAD happens, has God lost my trust? Can He ever have it back again? Like when one of my son's is fighting for his life in the hospital, gasping for each and every breath he has to take? I know I'm desperately praying by his bedside, but am I really TRUSTING God in that moment?
Am I SUPPOSED to trust God through ALL the bad and ugly and horrendous stuff that happens in life?
Just yesterday, I received a text from my husband about a mother who had lost her 18 year old daughter. This daughter had a full ride scholarship to a university, had her whole life ahead of her. She was the designated driver, driving home her friends who had too much to drink that night. They were getting rowdy, she turned around to reprimand them, turned back to the road and lost control on the interstate and rolled her vehicle several times. She was the only one killed...all her friends escaped with little to no injury at all.
How does that girl's mother trust in God after that happens?
How can a mother like that be thankful in her grief?
How can a mother be ever thankful or trusting of a God who obviously knew that this was going to happen, and it STILL happened?
Huh, God, what about ALL that UGLY stuff that happens in life? Are you really there to guide us through all the heartache and pain and suffering that happens?
Let alone all the icky "STUFF" that happens in the daily grind of life...kids who yell at each other, spouses who don't listen, friends who get too busy for you, job duties that overload...stress and heartache and turmoil...it all adds up.
And then there's satan, gloating, very proud, when we question God's integrity. "Hey God, how could YOU allow this to happen?"
Is it possible, in all the "UGLY" here on earth, that God can create something beautiful out of it?
In the end, will that mother ever be able to trust God again?
Trust and thankfulness are supposed to be the keys with God. Trust is supposed to rid you of worrrying. Thankfulness is supposed to get rid of the complaining. But what about the deep, deep grieving?
God knows what it is like to deeply grieve.
He had to watch His Son be slaughtered by a group of thugs. He had to watch His Son agonize with every beating. He had to watch His Son's skin ripped open exposing His insides to the outside world, watch nails be driven through tendons and sinews and muscle, watch Him die a slow and excruciating death.
God knows grief.
Remember His Son was NOT forced to die. His Son willingly chose to die.
In that ugly process, something beautiful happened.
I can now cry out to God in MY pain and suffering and grief...all through the splattered blood of His Son. He saved me because He watched His Son die for me. He went through the all consuming grief of losing His Son because He loved me and wanted to save me.
God HAS earned my trust because He's felt the greatest grief . He, as a Father, watched the brutal beating of His Son and watched Him die. And Jesus was completely innocent. Just like that daughter was not drunk, but her life was taken and everybody else's lives in that vehicle were spared. She was attempting to prevent tragedy from happening in their lives and she WAS the recipient of tragedy. Does not seem fair, does it? That an innocent person's life is snuffed out so easily, while everybody else's is spared. Doesn't seem fair that a completely innocent man had to die for my ugly sins, huh? An innocent man died because of my DIRTY deeds!!!
God allowed the excruciating beating of His very own Son to take place so that I MAY be saved. Do you see that I emphasized the word "may"? Even though Jesus died for me to BE saved, there's no guarantee that I will choose to be saved. If I don't choose the gift of salvation, then Jesus died in vain. Jesus died with no guarantees that any of us would choose His free gift. He died in hope. He died in hope that I will gladly accept His gift. He didn't die with any guarantees at all. He didn't die with the guarantee that any of us would choose the gift of salvation through His shed blood.
God's grace is such a mystery and yet, it is so beautiful. Why does He do it for me? One of the most emotionally wrecked and unstable people out of all His creation. I don't know why, all I need to do is accept it and recieve it. Do I choose to do that?
So, in the end, God created the most beautiful and awesome gift in the whole wide world through watching His Son die...He created salvation out of His Grace. But it's up to us to choose to receive that beautiful gift. Do I open up my heart in EVERY moment and openly receive His free gift of Grace and salvation? Do I trust Him enough to open up my heart and soul to Him?
God knows what He's doing. I don't have the foggiest notion how everything ties in together. I might as well stop trying to figure it all out. Remember, "Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding."
My piddly little grievances are nothing compared to this mother's grief, but God has it ALL under control.
Yes...you greatly grieve when you lose something precious in your life, be it a child, a parent, a friend, a spouse...if you lose anything that you love, it causes a hole in your heart...and I do NOT understand everything, but TRUST in the one who does understand everything. He's got the big picture in mind.
Remember King Hezekiah? He was on his death bed and he earnestly prayed to God to spare his life. And God listened and gave him 15 more years. Unfortunately, Manesseh was born from Hezekiah's seed during this 15 extra years and Manesseh lead God's people to do more evil deeds than all the heathen nations surrounding them. If Hezekiah had not been spared, then these tragic events possibly could have been avoided.
I'm not saying that this story has anything to do with anybody else's death. I'm just saying that I don't understand and God DOES understand...He knows the ending. Let Him guide you.
Allow Him to create something beautiful from your heartache and pain and sorrow.
Thank Him through it ALL. Trust Him through it ALL.
Can you thank Him? Can you trust Him? Even through the tough stuff? Can you do that?
Can I do that?
This is the trust that is NOT in my heart...the trust to believe that even if the most terrible disaster should strike me or my family, that He will be right there in the middle of the chaos WITH us, to carry us through. This is the trust that is NOT in my heart...the trust to believe that EVERYTHING He does or allows is for my best interest. If it's for my best, then why, oh why, does it hurt so much? I do NOT feel it is safe to trust. How do I find that safe place? How do I find that safety? How do I trust God?
I've GOT to get THIS thing, I've got to get this TRUST thing for God in my heart, this bottom of the stomach belief and knowing that my God has everything under control, even through the bad stuff, that my God is good to me throughout it all. Because if I don't get this TRUST thing deeply driven into my heart, then my soul is cracking open and spewing rotten stuff all over everybody else around me.
I've got to believe with my heart, mind and soul that even despite God's HUGENESS, the fact that He created this HUMONGOUS universe, He is STILL actively involved in my peasly and miniscule problems and He DOES have my best interest at heart. Despite the ENORMITY of my God, He is still up close and personal with my problems and my heartaches and my heart. My God does listen to my pleas and questions and heartaches. He ALWAYS answers. Albeit, I may not see it immediately nor in the way that I wanted it answered, but He ALWAYS answers out of LOVE. His answer is ALWAYS safe because it is based on HIS unconditional Love for me.
How can I trust when my heart has shriveled through years of low self-esteem and it's struggling to push joy through the hardened and clogged arteries of my life?
Trust does not come by simply stating it. Trust comes by work.
Intentional loving and trusting and thanking.
Focusing on giving thanks everyday for everything.
Focusing on trusting God for EVERYTHING in everyday.
Focusing on loving God.
If I deeply trusted God, with EVERY aspect of my life, (not just the good moments, but the ugly moments, also), I think my issues would be healed...my self-condemnation, my addictions, my heart wounds, my soul holes, my neediness, my loneliness.
Rom 15:13...I pray that the God who gives hope will fill you with much joy and peace while you trust in him. Then your hope will overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit.
John 14:1...Jesus said, "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust in me.
John 6:29...Jesus replied, This is the work (service) that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent [that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His Messenger].
Mark 16:16...He who believes [who adheres to and trusts in and relies on the Gospel and Him Whom it sets forth] and is baptized will be saved [from the penalty of eternal death]; but he who does not believe [who does not adhere to and trust in and rely on the Gospel and Him Whom it sets forth] will be condemned.
Psalm 40:4...Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his refuge and trust, and turns not to the proud or to followers of false gods.
The word trust and it's various forms are used 191 times in the King James Version of the Bible.
Trust is a big deal. It's a form of believing. It's a form of faith.
It's a form of loving my God.
If I don't trust God, then I'm an atheist. It's as simple as that. If I don't trust God with my whole life, then I don't believe He's a good God and that He has everything under control. If I don't trust God, then I'm the biggest fake I've ever come across.
You know I've come head to head against some very tough issues within the past 3 weeks. Either I'm a real Christian and I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ...or I'm a fake, just doing God lip service. It's my choice to make.
And you know what, after doing some really deep soul searching, I've decided that God IS worth my effort and time and love and trust. I choose Jesus. I'm gonna place my trust in His hands and give Him the wheel of my life. I'm turning over my activities and my whole life to Him...He's in control now. It IS safe to trust Jesus.
I'm not saying that this is going to be easy. It's gonna take work on my part. I've got to focus on thanking, loving and trusting God in each and EVERY moment of my life. It's not gonna happen overnight either, but I will at least be trying to trust Him. I think the Holy Spirit will be there to help me through this, also. So, I'm not doing it alone.
To be honest, this is scary. I feel like I've lost complete control of my life, and in that process, I feel like I'm losing some vital part of me...maybe it's power in my own life. But I think that's a guise that is used by satan...he plays the trick of making you think that if you have control of your life, then you are ok. But in my living of my own life, I've realized that it's when I thought I was the most in control of my life that I was the most out of control.
I have to believe and trust that with my life in His Hands, that He guides and directs and controls my life with an all-seeing and all-knowing Love...that He's safe.
I need to keep my chin up because I have a GREAT BIG GOD that loves me!
God's love has to be enough for me. How about you? Do you choose to trust Him, completely and wholly and with your whole life?
Can I open up my hands and my heart and my life and choose to accept WHATEVER God gives me? If I don't, I'm still making a choice. It would be my choice NOT to trust God, not to accept Him. And in that choice, I choose to shun God's Grace and Salvation and Jesus would have suffered for naught.
I choose the safety of trusting Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit.
What's your choice?
Dear Father,
I ask of the Holy Spirit to guide me and give me direction in completely trusting You. Please know that I'm scared in turning my life over to you, this is foreign to me. But, I need to trust You. Thank You, God!
In Jesus' name,
Amen
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
God and I...we've got unresolved and BIG trust issues, and they aren't just very recent episodes, either. I've had trust issues my whole life. But now that I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I see it bleeding over into my relationship with my Savior.
Trust.
Such a very, very hard word.
But you know, you just can't make trust simply appear by willing it to happen. Just by saying, "I trust you, Lord," does NOT make it so. I've lived that one out for almost 6 years now. But when it comes down to it, when the actual rubber hits the road, do I trust my God?
My personal experience with trust is that people earn my trust. But once you've lost my trust, you can't have it back. At least, not willingly on my part.
So, does God HAVE to earn my trust? Do I feel safe enough to trust my God? Is it safe to trust Jesus? Is it safe to trust?
When my life is going good, I know I trust Him. Like when I have a good day and things are going just right, God has ALL of my trust. When all of my boys are playing together NICE, then it's easy to trust God.
But when something BAD happens, has God lost my trust? Can He ever have it back again? Like when one of my son's is fighting for his life in the hospital, gasping for each and every breath he has to take? I know I'm desperately praying by his bedside, but am I really TRUSTING God in that moment?
Am I SUPPOSED to trust God through ALL the bad and ugly and horrendous stuff that happens in life?
Just yesterday, I received a text from my husband about a mother who had lost her 18 year old daughter. This daughter had a full ride scholarship to a university, had her whole life ahead of her. She was the designated driver, driving home her friends who had too much to drink that night. They were getting rowdy, she turned around to reprimand them, turned back to the road and lost control on the interstate and rolled her vehicle several times. She was the only one killed...all her friends escaped with little to no injury at all.
How does that girl's mother trust in God after that happens?
How can a mother like that be thankful in her grief?
How can a mother be ever thankful or trusting of a God who obviously knew that this was going to happen, and it STILL happened?
Huh, God, what about ALL that UGLY stuff that happens in life? Are you really there to guide us through all the heartache and pain and suffering that happens?
Let alone all the icky "STUFF" that happens in the daily grind of life...kids who yell at each other, spouses who don't listen, friends who get too busy for you, job duties that overload...stress and heartache and turmoil...it all adds up.
And then there's satan, gloating, very proud, when we question God's integrity. "Hey God, how could YOU allow this to happen?"
Is it possible, in all the "UGLY" here on earth, that God can create something beautiful out of it?
In the end, will that mother ever be able to trust God again?
Trust and thankfulness are supposed to be the keys with God. Trust is supposed to rid you of worrrying. Thankfulness is supposed to get rid of the complaining. But what about the deep, deep grieving?
God knows what it is like to deeply grieve.
He had to watch His Son be slaughtered by a group of thugs. He had to watch His Son agonize with every beating. He had to watch His Son's skin ripped open exposing His insides to the outside world, watch nails be driven through tendons and sinews and muscle, watch Him die a slow and excruciating death.
God knows grief.
Remember His Son was NOT forced to die. His Son willingly chose to die.
In that ugly process, something beautiful happened.
I can now cry out to God in MY pain and suffering and grief...all through the splattered blood of His Son. He saved me because He watched His Son die for me. He went through the all consuming grief of losing His Son because He loved me and wanted to save me.
God HAS earned my trust because He's felt the greatest grief . He, as a Father, watched the brutal beating of His Son and watched Him die. And Jesus was completely innocent. Just like that daughter was not drunk, but her life was taken and everybody else's lives in that vehicle were spared. She was attempting to prevent tragedy from happening in their lives and she WAS the recipient of tragedy. Does not seem fair, does it? That an innocent person's life is snuffed out so easily, while everybody else's is spared. Doesn't seem fair that a completely innocent man had to die for my ugly sins, huh? An innocent man died because of my DIRTY deeds!!!
God allowed the excruciating beating of His very own Son to take place so that I MAY be saved. Do you see that I emphasized the word "may"? Even though Jesus died for me to BE saved, there's no guarantee that I will choose to be saved. If I don't choose the gift of salvation, then Jesus died in vain. Jesus died with no guarantees that any of us would choose His free gift. He died in hope. He died in hope that I will gladly accept His gift. He didn't die with any guarantees at all. He didn't die with the guarantee that any of us would choose the gift of salvation through His shed blood.
God's grace is such a mystery and yet, it is so beautiful. Why does He do it for me? One of the most emotionally wrecked and unstable people out of all His creation. I don't know why, all I need to do is accept it and recieve it. Do I choose to do that?
So, in the end, God created the most beautiful and awesome gift in the whole wide world through watching His Son die...He created salvation out of His Grace. But it's up to us to choose to receive that beautiful gift. Do I open up my heart in EVERY moment and openly receive His free gift of Grace and salvation? Do I trust Him enough to open up my heart and soul to Him?
God knows what He's doing. I don't have the foggiest notion how everything ties in together. I might as well stop trying to figure it all out. Remember, "Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding."
My piddly little grievances are nothing compared to this mother's grief, but God has it ALL under control.
Yes...you greatly grieve when you lose something precious in your life, be it a child, a parent, a friend, a spouse...if you lose anything that you love, it causes a hole in your heart...and I do NOT understand everything, but TRUST in the one who does understand everything. He's got the big picture in mind.
Remember King Hezekiah? He was on his death bed and he earnestly prayed to God to spare his life. And God listened and gave him 15 more years. Unfortunately, Manesseh was born from Hezekiah's seed during this 15 extra years and Manesseh lead God's people to do more evil deeds than all the heathen nations surrounding them. If Hezekiah had not been spared, then these tragic events possibly could have been avoided.
I'm not saying that this story has anything to do with anybody else's death. I'm just saying that I don't understand and God DOES understand...He knows the ending. Let Him guide you.
Allow Him to create something beautiful from your heartache and pain and sorrow.
Thank Him through it ALL. Trust Him through it ALL.
Can you thank Him? Can you trust Him? Even through the tough stuff? Can you do that?
Can I do that?
This is the trust that is NOT in my heart...the trust to believe that even if the most terrible disaster should strike me or my family, that He will be right there in the middle of the chaos WITH us, to carry us through. This is the trust that is NOT in my heart...the trust to believe that EVERYTHING He does or allows is for my best interest. If it's for my best, then why, oh why, does it hurt so much? I do NOT feel it is safe to trust. How do I find that safe place? How do I find that safety? How do I trust God?
I've GOT to get THIS thing, I've got to get this TRUST thing for God in my heart, this bottom of the stomach belief and knowing that my God has everything under control, even through the bad stuff, that my God is good to me throughout it all. Because if I don't get this TRUST thing deeply driven into my heart, then my soul is cracking open and spewing rotten stuff all over everybody else around me.
I've got to believe with my heart, mind and soul that even despite God's HUGENESS, the fact that He created this HUMONGOUS universe, He is STILL actively involved in my peasly and miniscule problems and He DOES have my best interest at heart. Despite the ENORMITY of my God, He is still up close and personal with my problems and my heartaches and my heart. My God does listen to my pleas and questions and heartaches. He ALWAYS answers. Albeit, I may not see it immediately nor in the way that I wanted it answered, but He ALWAYS answers out of LOVE. His answer is ALWAYS safe because it is based on HIS unconditional Love for me.
How can I trust when my heart has shriveled through years of low self-esteem and it's struggling to push joy through the hardened and clogged arteries of my life?
Trust does not come by simply stating it. Trust comes by work.
Intentional loving and trusting and thanking.
Focusing on giving thanks everyday for everything.
Focusing on trusting God for EVERYTHING in everyday.
Focusing on loving God.
If I deeply trusted God, with EVERY aspect of my life, (not just the good moments, but the ugly moments, also), I think my issues would be healed...my self-condemnation, my addictions, my heart wounds, my soul holes, my neediness, my loneliness.
Rom 15:13...I pray that the God who gives hope will fill you with much joy and peace while you trust in him. Then your hope will overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit.
John 14:1...Jesus said, "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust in me.
John 6:29...Jesus replied, This is the work (service) that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent [that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His Messenger].
Mark 16:16...He who believes [who adheres to and trusts in and relies on the Gospel and Him Whom it sets forth] and is baptized will be saved [from the penalty of eternal death]; but he who does not believe [who does not adhere to and trust in and rely on the Gospel and Him Whom it sets forth] will be condemned.
Psalm 40:4...Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his refuge and trust, and turns not to the proud or to followers of false gods.
The word trust and it's various forms are used 191 times in the King James Version of the Bible.
Trust is a big deal. It's a form of believing. It's a form of faith.
It's a form of loving my God.
If I don't trust God, then I'm an atheist. It's as simple as that. If I don't trust God with my whole life, then I don't believe He's a good God and that He has everything under control. If I don't trust God, then I'm the biggest fake I've ever come across.
You know I've come head to head against some very tough issues within the past 3 weeks. Either I'm a real Christian and I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ...or I'm a fake, just doing God lip service. It's my choice to make.
And you know what, after doing some really deep soul searching, I've decided that God IS worth my effort and time and love and trust. I choose Jesus. I'm gonna place my trust in His hands and give Him the wheel of my life. I'm turning over my activities and my whole life to Him...He's in control now. It IS safe to trust Jesus.
I'm not saying that this is going to be easy. It's gonna take work on my part. I've got to focus on thanking, loving and trusting God in each and EVERY moment of my life. It's not gonna happen overnight either, but I will at least be trying to trust Him. I think the Holy Spirit will be there to help me through this, also. So, I'm not doing it alone.
To be honest, this is scary. I feel like I've lost complete control of my life, and in that process, I feel like I'm losing some vital part of me...maybe it's power in my own life. But I think that's a guise that is used by satan...he plays the trick of making you think that if you have control of your life, then you are ok. But in my living of my own life, I've realized that it's when I thought I was the most in control of my life that I was the most out of control.
I have to believe and trust that with my life in His Hands, that He guides and directs and controls my life with an all-seeing and all-knowing Love...that He's safe.
I need to keep my chin up because I have a GREAT BIG GOD that loves me!
God's love has to be enough for me. How about you? Do you choose to trust Him, completely and wholly and with your whole life?
Can I open up my hands and my heart and my life and choose to accept WHATEVER God gives me? If I don't, I'm still making a choice. It would be my choice NOT to trust God, not to accept Him. And in that choice, I choose to shun God's Grace and Salvation and Jesus would have suffered for naught.
I choose the safety of trusting Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit.
What's your choice?
Dear Father,
I ask of the Holy Spirit to guide me and give me direction in completely trusting You. Please know that I'm scared in turning my life over to you, this is foreign to me. But, I need to trust You. Thank You, God!
In Jesus' name,
Amen
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Nobody Understands Me
Isaiah 53:4..."He took our suffering on Him and felt our pain for us."
I am going through some really tough growing pains right now. The Lord is trying to lead me in a direction that I'm having a tough time dealing with. It has been almost a grieving process. So, please forgive me ahead of time if I get a little emotional with this.
I carry and feel my emotions very deep. That was the way that God created me to be. I'm learning to embrace that side of me but my, oh my, sometimes it really, really hurts.
But I'm certain that many a person, if not every person in this world, has been plagued with the statement of, "Absolutely nobody understands me nor what I'm going through!"
NOBODY understands what I'm feeling.
NOBODY understands how much my heart hurts.
NOBODY understands the pain that I'm feeling, emotionally and physically.
NOBODY knows when I curl up in a ball and just sob.
NOBODY understands me and my hurts and my pains and my emotions and my turmoils and my life.
NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME.
And to a degree, that is true. Absolutely no other person in THIS world can understand how you feel, nor see what makes you hurt, nor see inside your heart, nor feel what you are feeling at this exact moment in time.
ABSOLUTELY NOBODY ELSE IN THIS WORLD DOES UNDERSTAND YOU.
But you know what? Even before Jesus came on this earth, God did not understand our trials and temptations and hurts and turmoils and emotions and pains and what we have to endure in this life.
So, God came as a man to experience our life with us. He came to be tempted. He came to be tested. He came to feel. He came to experience. He came to understand. He came to cry. He came to die emotionally. He came to die physically.
Jesus knows how you feel.
You've got pressures as a person to have everything under control, be it as a parent, as an employee, as a spouse, as a Christian? Jesus understands.
You've got more to do on your schedule than you ever think is possible to accomplish? So did He.
You feel forsaken and forgotten and left by a close friend or all of your friends? So did He.
You've lost trust in someone you dearly love? So did He.
You feel physically defeated? So did He.
You feel so much hurt in your heart that you have no idea of how to exist, let alone live? So did He.
Jesus understands you. But not only that, He can see inside your heart and know EXACTLY what you are feeling. And empathize with you. And feel with you. And know you. AND He continues to love us.
Did you hear what I said? He knows every detail about our hurt and pain and emotions and HE STILL LOVES ME!
He STILL loves me despite my tumultuous emotions on the inside that have rocked my world. He STILL loves me despite my pain coming out in ways that do NOT make me lovely to anybody else. He STILL loves me in spite of my ugly heart that has shattered into itty bitty pieces. He STILL loves me even when my spirit feels oh so crushed and defeated. You know why He still loves me? Because He has experienced it ALL also and He knows what it feels like to be me!
Albeit nobody else in this world can ride this roller coaster of MY life with me and stick it out with me, Jesus continues to do so. He is still right here, beside me, whispering to me, embracing me...LOVING ME just for who I am, and hurting with me, and feeling with me, and experiencing deep emotions with me.
Jesus knows how you feel.
You are so loved by Him that He came to earth as a man so that He can whisper to you, "I understand you."
That's what He wants more than anything, for you to come to Him and let it ALL out with Him. Hit Him on the chest, slap Him in the face, yell your hurt and frustration and pain at His face, throw ALL your pain and hurt at Him. And you know what? Despite all that, He will STILL embrace you and whisper to you, "I love you, my child."
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for understanding me! Thank you for loving me! Thank you for dying for me! Thank you for saving me!
In Jesus' precious and sacrificed and loving name, Amen
James 5:13...Anybody who is having troubles should pray.
1 John 3:16...This is how we know what real love is: Jesus gave His life for us.
Heb 2:18...He is able...to run to the cry of...those who are being tempted and tested and tried.
Jesus understands you.
God now understands you.
I am going through some really tough growing pains right now. The Lord is trying to lead me in a direction that I'm having a tough time dealing with. It has been almost a grieving process. So, please forgive me ahead of time if I get a little emotional with this.
I carry and feel my emotions very deep. That was the way that God created me to be. I'm learning to embrace that side of me but my, oh my, sometimes it really, really hurts.
But I'm certain that many a person, if not every person in this world, has been plagued with the statement of, "Absolutely nobody understands me nor what I'm going through!"
NOBODY understands what I'm feeling.
NOBODY understands how much my heart hurts.
NOBODY understands the pain that I'm feeling, emotionally and physically.
NOBODY knows when I curl up in a ball and just sob.
NOBODY understands me and my hurts and my pains and my emotions and my turmoils and my life.
NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME.
And to a degree, that is true. Absolutely no other person in THIS world can understand how you feel, nor see what makes you hurt, nor see inside your heart, nor feel what you are feeling at this exact moment in time.
ABSOLUTELY NOBODY ELSE IN THIS WORLD DOES UNDERSTAND YOU.
But you know what? Even before Jesus came on this earth, God did not understand our trials and temptations and hurts and turmoils and emotions and pains and what we have to endure in this life.
So, God came as a man to experience our life with us. He came to be tempted. He came to be tested. He came to feel. He came to experience. He came to understand. He came to cry. He came to die emotionally. He came to die physically.
Jesus knows how you feel.
You've got pressures as a person to have everything under control, be it as a parent, as an employee, as a spouse, as a Christian? Jesus understands.
You've got more to do on your schedule than you ever think is possible to accomplish? So did He.
You feel forsaken and forgotten and left by a close friend or all of your friends? So did He.
You've lost trust in someone you dearly love? So did He.
You feel physically defeated? So did He.
You feel so much hurt in your heart that you have no idea of how to exist, let alone live? So did He.
Jesus understands you. But not only that, He can see inside your heart and know EXACTLY what you are feeling. And empathize with you. And feel with you. And know you. AND He continues to love us.
Did you hear what I said? He knows every detail about our hurt and pain and emotions and HE STILL LOVES ME!
He STILL loves me despite my tumultuous emotions on the inside that have rocked my world. He STILL loves me despite my pain coming out in ways that do NOT make me lovely to anybody else. He STILL loves me in spite of my ugly heart that has shattered into itty bitty pieces. He STILL loves me even when my spirit feels oh so crushed and defeated. You know why He still loves me? Because He has experienced it ALL also and He knows what it feels like to be me!
Albeit nobody else in this world can ride this roller coaster of MY life with me and stick it out with me, Jesus continues to do so. He is still right here, beside me, whispering to me, embracing me...LOVING ME just for who I am, and hurting with me, and feeling with me, and experiencing deep emotions with me.
Jesus knows how you feel.
You are so loved by Him that He came to earth as a man so that He can whisper to you, "I understand you."
That's what He wants more than anything, for you to come to Him and let it ALL out with Him. Hit Him on the chest, slap Him in the face, yell your hurt and frustration and pain at His face, throw ALL your pain and hurt at Him. And you know what? Despite all that, He will STILL embrace you and whisper to you, "I love you, my child."
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for understanding me! Thank you for loving me! Thank you for dying for me! Thank you for saving me!
In Jesus' precious and sacrificed and loving name, Amen
James 5:13...Anybody who is having troubles should pray.
1 John 3:16...This is how we know what real love is: Jesus gave His life for us.
Heb 2:18...He is able...to run to the cry of...those who are being tempted and tested and tried.
Jesus understands you.
God now understands you.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
What about Me, God?
When I'm hurting, I like to write. So, this evening I write.
James 2:8..."If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right."
You know, to be honest, I've always had a problem with this scripture. Just what if you don't love yourself? What then? Are you capable of loving your neighbor at all?
I would have been fine if it just said, "Love your neighbor." But adding that last little phrase, "as yourself" totally screwed it up for me.
What if you've let your screw-ups, mistakes and failures...all of those bad "things" from your past define your sense of self-worth? What if you simply hate who you are? What if you hate the things for which you stand for? What if I simply don't love myself?
Jeremiah 17:9 says it all...The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
I think that scripture is implying if we are apart from God, not seeking God at all, that our hearts can greatly lie to us. As mine does when I have self-worth issues.
This type of love, to "love your neighbor as yourself," is simply not within me as a person cuz I don't feel loved. I am not capable of loving another person cuz I don't feel worthy of love. I am NOT a loveable person.
A person who is not raised in love finds it very, very difficult to love. It's as simple as that.
A person who does not feel loved finds it painful to love. Or else builds their love on great insecurities.
We have been instructed and beaten over the head by churches to love one another, to be forgiving of one another, to help one another...that is the Christ like behavior that is expected of us as Christians.
But in doing so, the churches left out the most vital and important step before ALL that.
Because you see, I cannot love to that degree by myself. But with God, I can do that. But how can I love with God's love?
Everybody is telling me to love without telling me that I AM LOVED. You know, that's very much like trying to write a check without sufficient funds to back it up.
With insufficient love, I CANNOT love the way Christ loved his neighbors.
I have to figure it out on my own that God loves me for simply who I am. The whole Bible is not about how we are supposed to love God, it's ALL about how MUCH God loves us.
1 John 4:9...God showed how much He loved us by sending His only Son into the world...This is real love.
Psalm 103:11...As high as the sky is above the earth, so great is His love for those who respect Him.
Romans 8:39...Nothing...in the whole world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God.
John 3:16...For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.
Jeremiah 31:9...God speaking, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with unfailing love."
And it is scripture after scripture of God telling me how very, VERY, VERY much He loves me.
And until I get that little nugget of information deeply built into my heart, I'm not gonna be able to do all the things that God wants me to do, like love my neighbor as myself.
I am afflicted with the "what about me" syndrome. I give, give, give all the time. I give my time to my family, I give my time to my friends, I give gifts to people, I give a listening ear to hurting friends, I try to make other women feel very important about themselves. Many times, after it's all done, I'm exhausted and lay on my bed and feel deep inside the complaint rising, "What about me?"
I've spent many a dark night sitting in the recliner in our living room, mulling over the thought, "What about me?"
I always say that I give without expecting anything back, and for the most part, that is correct. But you know, the Holy Spirit just dealt with me about this. I realized that I give a LOT to people so that I won't feel bad when I have a need and have to ask for help in some way, shape or form. It's kinda like me building up an investment in people. I absolutely hate asking for help from people, so to lessen that guilt from asking, I give of my time and effort way before I have a need. Because, to be honest, being a mother of 4 boys, sometimes I just need outside help. So, when I do have a need, I hopefully can draw on what I've invested in the past.
Kinda goes back to my self-worth issue...I don't feel like I deserve any help just for me. I don't think anybody will give me help if I don't have time and efforts already invested in them. I don't think I'm worthy of help simply because I might need it. So, to increase my worth, I give of everything that I've got way before I ever have a need.
But in doing so, I feel exhausted all the time and I'm doing it for my own self-motives in the future rather than for God's love to be extended to my family and friends. I exhaust myself in the process.
What about me? Huh, God? What about me?
Well, let me tell you, my friend, that nagging "what about me" will stop if only I realize that I have God's love inside of me. That God's love for me is ENOUGH. To be honest, if I truly knew that, then everything else will fall into place. I won't have to invest my time in people expecting them to help me in my time of need if only I knew and trusted that God could be there in my time of need. I can truly love people and do for them as God wants me to do, not for investing for Ronda when she needs help.
And this, my friends, is what the Holy Spirit has been dealing with me about for the past week. I hope I was able to communicate it to you with the simplicity that the Holy Spirit revealed it to me.
I can do what God wants me to do only if I KNOW how much He truly loves me. All voids in my life would be fulfilled. You know, God has a way of filling all those holes in your heart with Him, if only we allow Him to do that.
Will you join me today in allowing God's love to permeate every hole in your heart?
Will you join me today in feeling God's love to the very core of your being?
Will you join me today in knowing, deeply knowing, and understanding that God loves me for simply who I am?
Will you join me today in simply accepting God's love?
Will you join me today in allowing God's love to fill our hearts with sufficient love so that we CAN love?
As so eloquently stated by Max Lucado, "The secret to loving is to live loved."
Please join me today in living loved.
James 2:8..."If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right."
You know, to be honest, I've always had a problem with this scripture. Just what if you don't love yourself? What then? Are you capable of loving your neighbor at all?
I would have been fine if it just said, "Love your neighbor." But adding that last little phrase, "as yourself" totally screwed it up for me.
What if you've let your screw-ups, mistakes and failures...all of those bad "things" from your past define your sense of self-worth? What if you simply hate who you are? What if you hate the things for which you stand for? What if I simply don't love myself?
Jeremiah 17:9 says it all...The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
I think that scripture is implying if we are apart from God, not seeking God at all, that our hearts can greatly lie to us. As mine does when I have self-worth issues.
This type of love, to "love your neighbor as yourself," is simply not within me as a person cuz I don't feel loved. I am not capable of loving another person cuz I don't feel worthy of love. I am NOT a loveable person.
A person who is not raised in love finds it very, very difficult to love. It's as simple as that.
A person who does not feel loved finds it painful to love. Or else builds their love on great insecurities.
We have been instructed and beaten over the head by churches to love one another, to be forgiving of one another, to help one another...that is the Christ like behavior that is expected of us as Christians.
But in doing so, the churches left out the most vital and important step before ALL that.
Because you see, I cannot love to that degree by myself. But with God, I can do that. But how can I love with God's love?
Everybody is telling me to love without telling me that I AM LOVED. You know, that's very much like trying to write a check without sufficient funds to back it up.
With insufficient love, I CANNOT love the way Christ loved his neighbors.
I have to figure it out on my own that God loves me for simply who I am. The whole Bible is not about how we are supposed to love God, it's ALL about how MUCH God loves us.
1 John 4:9...God showed how much He loved us by sending His only Son into the world...This is real love.
Psalm 103:11...As high as the sky is above the earth, so great is His love for those who respect Him.
Romans 8:39...Nothing...in the whole world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God.
John 3:16...For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.
Jeremiah 31:9...God speaking, "I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with unfailing love."
And it is scripture after scripture of God telling me how very, VERY, VERY much He loves me.
And until I get that little nugget of information deeply built into my heart, I'm not gonna be able to do all the things that God wants me to do, like love my neighbor as myself.
I am afflicted with the "what about me" syndrome. I give, give, give all the time. I give my time to my family, I give my time to my friends, I give gifts to people, I give a listening ear to hurting friends, I try to make other women feel very important about themselves. Many times, after it's all done, I'm exhausted and lay on my bed and feel deep inside the complaint rising, "What about me?"
I've spent many a dark night sitting in the recliner in our living room, mulling over the thought, "What about me?"
I always say that I give without expecting anything back, and for the most part, that is correct. But you know, the Holy Spirit just dealt with me about this. I realized that I give a LOT to people so that I won't feel bad when I have a need and have to ask for help in some way, shape or form. It's kinda like me building up an investment in people. I absolutely hate asking for help from people, so to lessen that guilt from asking, I give of my time and effort way before I have a need. Because, to be honest, being a mother of 4 boys, sometimes I just need outside help. So, when I do have a need, I hopefully can draw on what I've invested in the past.
Kinda goes back to my self-worth issue...I don't feel like I deserve any help just for me. I don't think anybody will give me help if I don't have time and efforts already invested in them. I don't think I'm worthy of help simply because I might need it. So, to increase my worth, I give of everything that I've got way before I ever have a need.
But in doing so, I feel exhausted all the time and I'm doing it for my own self-motives in the future rather than for God's love to be extended to my family and friends. I exhaust myself in the process.
What about me? Huh, God? What about me?
Well, let me tell you, my friend, that nagging "what about me" will stop if only I realize that I have God's love inside of me. That God's love for me is ENOUGH. To be honest, if I truly knew that, then everything else will fall into place. I won't have to invest my time in people expecting them to help me in my time of need if only I knew and trusted that God could be there in my time of need. I can truly love people and do for them as God wants me to do, not for investing for Ronda when she needs help.
And this, my friends, is what the Holy Spirit has been dealing with me about for the past week. I hope I was able to communicate it to you with the simplicity that the Holy Spirit revealed it to me.
I can do what God wants me to do only if I KNOW how much He truly loves me. All voids in my life would be fulfilled. You know, God has a way of filling all those holes in your heart with Him, if only we allow Him to do that.
Will you join me today in allowing God's love to permeate every hole in your heart?
Will you join me today in feeling God's love to the very core of your being?
Will you join me today in knowing, deeply knowing, and understanding that God loves me for simply who I am?
Will you join me today in simply accepting God's love?
Will you join me today in allowing God's love to fill our hearts with sufficient love so that we CAN love?
As so eloquently stated by Max Lucado, "The secret to loving is to live loved."
Please join me today in living loved.
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