Success or Not?

Romans 2:1 (NIV)..."You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things."

I think I can look back and say that I was successful in my role as stay at home Mom. I've attempted to teach my boys all about Jesus Christ. I've tried to instill in my boys a desire to seek a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I've raised four fine young men who are responsible, well behaved and exhibit Christ like behaviors. I get nothing but accolades from each one of their school teachers, sunday school teachers and coaches. I even get compliments from total strangers out in public, telling me I've done a fine job of raising 4 very well behaved boys.

As I sent my baby off to kindergarten yesterday, I audibly heard that door on this specific chapter on my life close. As I said goodbye to all 4 of my boys at their respective schools yesterday, I realized that this part of my life was ending. Oh, that does not mean that my motherly duties are ending...those will persist until the day I die. I know that as long as my boys are alive, they will need me in some way throughout their growing up years and even in their adult years. Although, those needs change and become less and less.

By this chapter closing, I mean having a little boy at home with me. I teased all my friends stating that my baby and I were like peanut butter and jelly, wherever I went, he went with me. Whenever I had a lunch date with a friend, my John John and I were always there, together.

For the past 13 years, I can say I've had a little boy by my side at all times. At first it was Ija by my side...then Matt...then Jim-Bob...and finally, JJ. You can say I've grown accustomed to constantly being aware of the safety and whereabouts of my babies.

But, as I heard the door close on this chapter of my life, I distinctly heard another one open. I'm gonna be a full time college student, once again, starting next week. As God closes one door, He opens another one.

TIRES SQUELCHING, HALT, STOP RIGHT NOW...............

Let's back up for a moment.........

Let's dissect that very first paragraph.

I'm sure that my statement that I feel successful as a stay at home Mom gave you all the warm fuzzies.

But what part of that paragraph qualifies me to say that I was successful in that role?

Is it the part where I get nothing but accolades and praise about my boy's behavior?

Is it the part where each one of my boys are responsible young men?

Is it the part where I want them to seek a personal relationship with Christ?

Let me throw some hypothetical situations out there for you to mull over...

What if....

.....one of my boys decided Christ was not the way he wanted to go in life?

.....one of my boys started cussing like a sailor?

.....one of my boys got addicted to drugs, alcohol or porn?

.....one of my boys decided he was gay?

.....one of my boys was thrown in jail?

.....one of my boys killed another person or killed several people?

.....one of my boys committted suicide?

.....one of my boys got a young girl pregnant?

.....one or if all 4 of my boys were not responsible nor well behaved?

Would that qualify me as being unsuccessful? Would that make me a failure?

Because, to be honest, I have friends who I know have put just as much time, effort and heart into raising their children and have outcomes similar to the hypothetical situations above. So, would that make them failures as mothers?

They love their children as much as I do and yet their outcomes are different than mine, at the moment.

Success at motherhood is measured by what?

In the world's eyes, it is measured by the success of your children.

If you have raised successful children who contribute to society and make a LOT of money, then by golly, that must mean you were successful as a mother. Right?

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.......

Need I say that again....

TOTALLY WRONG!

Rather than looking at it through the world's eyes, let's look at it all through God's perspective...

Let's look at that first paragraph again....

I think I'm successful at being a stay at home Mom simply because I've taught my boys all about Christ. I've tried to reflect Christ like behaviors to them. But let me tell you, that does not mean I've not made mistakes.

For example, just the day before school was supposed to start....I had told my boys to pick up their toys in the living room. I had told them to do that the night before and it still was not done the next day. Add on top of that boys who were using toy light sabers against each other and one of them got mad and really hurt another one. I came unglued. Literally.

Let's say I went on a rampage and started breaking toys. When all the dust settled, I felt awful. I had 4 boys who now were mad at me for breaking toys and going on a toy breaking spree.

After I calmed down, I got them all in that living room, amongst those broken toys, and we sat cross legged in a circle around that living room. I broke down and cried in front of them and told them how sorry I was for letting my feelings get out of control.

I told them my trigger point was when I saw one of them hurt one another on purpose. But I told them I had made a mistake and I asked for their forgiveness. We were all blubbering and crying and hugging and saying, "I love you," when it was over with.

That's what I mean when I say I reflect Christ in my behaviors. Not in being perfect, but in admitting that I had sinned and asking for forgiveness.

I am NOT a perfect mother, by any means. I make MANY, MANY mistakes. But when I do, I will be the first one to say, "I'm sorry."

I AM successful at being a stay at home Mom simply because I've taught my boys all about Christ and tried to reflect Him in my behaviors. And that's it.

I am NOT successful because they are responsible young men. I am just very blessed, RIGHT NOW, to have 4 young men in my care who are responding to Christ's direction. That's not to say that somewhere down the road, that may not be the case. If down the road they choose a direction that breaks my heart, I am just as successful then as I am now.

I'm trying to teach my boys about Jesus. I'm trying to teach them to be loving and Christ-like. I want them to develop a personal relationship with Christ. All I can do is teach them. That's it. I'm not responsible for their choices nor decisions, be they poor choices or wise choices. All I can do is teach them.

If it comes to a point where I want them to change, I canNOT change them. No matter how much I want them to be responsible, young, Christ-like men, I canNOT force them to be that way. It is all their decision. God did not force Christ on me, just like I canNOT force Christ on them.

No matter if it breaks my heart to watch them make bad choices or wrong choices, I have NOT failed as a mother.

We are called as Christians to love people, we may not agree with their choices, but we are supposed to STILL love the snot out of them! Let the Holy Spirit work in them, but that is not our responsibility. Our responsibility as Christians is just to give them the Gospel, present Jesus to them, love them and let God and the Holy Spirit do the rest.

For if the Holy Spirit can't change them, we sure as heck can't either.

Also, if they change for us, that means they may change for any tom, dick and harry that comes their way.

We need to shine the light of Christ brightly in our lives and that's it...the responsibility of changing people does NOT lie in our hands as Christians. That's all in God's hands.

Just like we canNOT blame God for all the sinners in this world who have turned their backs on Him, we canNOT blame mothers, who have honestly put their heart and love into raising their children, for the different or wrong direction their children have chosen.

Of course, I have to interject here with a disclaimer...there are plenty of mothers out there who care less about the welfare of their children and their children DO go down wrong directions in life. I'm talking about mothers who honestly have cared for and love their children and their children have turned out differently than they would have liked. There are plenty of dead-beat mothers and fathers out there who DO lead by bad example...I exclude those from this discussion. Ok, now we can carry on.....

I've learned over time, the more we push to try to change a person, the more they resist those changes and become bullheaded. More often than not, we need to look inside ourselves for the change needed from God rather than the change we want to see happen in the other person.

How dare you judge somebody else's sin that is different than your sin? Because the person involved in homosexuality is no different than the mother who tells a little white lie. Sin is sin in God's eyes. How dare I judge somebody else who sins differently than I do?

Romans 2:1..."You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things." I cannot judge ANYBODY else by their sins. What I can do is love them and show them Christ...that's it.

If one of my boys chose a gay lifestyle, it's not for me to judge them. They have to answer to God. When God asks me, "Did I share Jesus with them," I can say yes with a clear conscious because I also showed them Jesus' unconditional love. In that endeavor, I am successful.

If one of my boys chose a gay lifestyle and I kick them out of the home and stop loving them, then I can honestly say I have failed at being a mother at that time. I have not only stopped loving as a mother, but I have stopped loving as a Christian.

My God did not force me to accept Jesus...I'm not gonna force my boys to accept Jesus. I'm just gonna teach them about Jesus and pray that it sticks. But if not, I AM NOT A FAILURE! I am successful because I've taught them about Jesus and that's it.

My success as a Mother does not hinge on my children's success in life. My success hinges on God.

Just like God is NOT A FAILURE for sin existing in the world and many, many people refusing to accept Him, I would not be a failure if my kids turned out to be disasters! God is a HUGE SUCCESS just like I am a huge success for raising my boys in knowing all about Him! I've helped my boys build their foundation in Christ, it's their choice whether they stay on that foundation or jump off of it!

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for loaning me 4 wonderful boys to raise! But I realize that they are just on loan! I'm gonna have to let them go as they grow into adulthood. They will have to make their own choices and decisions in life. But if they are not in a direction that I don't agree with, please help me realize that I am a success in Your Eyes because I've simply taught them about You! Please don't let the devil get into my thoughts and berate me and make me feel like a failure! I am a success as a mother because I've taught them about You!
In Jesus' precious and sacrificed and wonderful and amazing and powerful Name,
Amen

Ok, I'm gonna add this as an addendum. I have NOT been a Christian all throughout my motherhood. I did not accept Christ into my heart until the conception of my youngest son. That was all about God and I could NOT deny His existence anymore. So, my oldest 3 boys have not always been under the guidance of a Christian mother. What I'm trying to allude to is, it's never too late to accept Christ into your heart. It's never too late to start today. Today is the beginning of another adventure in your life. God wants you to accept His Son, but He's NOT gonna force Him on you. What's your decision?